Fifty Shades of Grey - Book Review

One thing is very clear when it comes to E. L. James’ ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’, you either love it or you hate it…but for some reason, I find myself sitting on the fence. There are so much that could be said about this first book of the trilogy; however, I only have one day to write this review, so will try my best to stick to the main positives and negatives which I found with the book, instead if turning this review into a 10,000 word dissertation.
For those of you who have been living under a rock, Fifty Shades of Grey is said to be an erotic novel, focusing on the relationship between Ana and Christian, and Ana’s exploration into BDSM. For a start, I would not classify this book as erotica, but instead as a romance novel with a bit of poorly described sex. One sentence which I can still remember, even though I read this book a year ago, was one when Ana was stating how she was giving Christian a blow job, and called him her own “Christian Grey flavoured lollipop”. I don’t this that I have ever cringed so much in my life.
Whilst on the topic of writing and wording, there’s no avoiding the fact that the writing style used will make you want to smash your head against the wall. Not only is dialogue between the characters awkward and unrealistic (something which I will discuss further later), I feel like if you take out the parts where Ana is blushing or biting of her lip, the book will be about five pages long. On top of this, you have to cope with her saying phrases such as “Jeez” and “Holy Cow” which are just ridiculous.
But guess what! That’s not even the worst part. For me, the one thing that really made me hate the writing style was the author’s insistent use of the term “shades of”. “Fifty shades of fucked up”, “Seven shades of crimson” “x shades of y”! Maybe if the author had only used this term once, she might have gotten away with it; however, due to the fact she used it multiple times, it just becomes glaringly obviously and irritating.  
Again, linking on to the writing style, I feel like now is the time to talk about the sex scenes, which is extra horrific for me to write because I know that there’s a high risk of my family reading this.
The description of the “kinky fuckery” (yes, it genuinely gets referred to by that) is horrendous. Every scene is so repetitively tedious, it got to the point where I started to skip over reading them. They are quick to turn dull and bleak, and very rarely include BDSM. On top of that, some parts can seem a little bit creepy, for example Christian basically tracking her, and as a result, it’s no wonder that most of the BDSM community feel offended by the books portrayal. It’s like it’s been written by a lonely teen, who completely failed at learning English. For an Erotic novel, surely these chapters should be the best bit.
Now, that’s all I dare to write on that topic, as I otherwise feel as though I might die from a cringe attack. Next up; characters.
Let’s start with Ana, or should I call her ‘little miss average’. It’s like she was supposed to be relatable to the reader, but instead, I just found her whiny and irritating. From her overly innocent act, to her in decisive nature, everything about her made me hate her more. And don’t even get me started on her ‘inner goddess’ or ‘conscience’, both of whom made regular appearances throughout the book, and both of whom were irritating and unnecessary.
As for Christian, he was just too perfect, that it was frustrating. In fact, he just didn’t make sense. How can any writer have the audacity to create a character who is so perfect?! It felt like a bunch of teenage girls grouped together and described their perfect man.
For those of you who haven’t read it, let me explain.
Christian is a 26 year old, charismatic billionaire, who is also fluent in French, a pianist, athletic, a fully trained piolet, gorgeous, tall, and perfectly built with a massive cock. On top of that, he’s said to be the best lover on the planet, and owns his own business, even though he never even seems to be working, and he uses his money to help with poverty.  The only thing this character did for me, was send me into a premature existential crisis!
The relationship between them seems alien and overly forced, as well as slightly creepy. For example, him randomly turning up at her flat, or tracking her at one point. Together, they seem overly perfect, and yet still seem to act like the everyday couple. To me, it just seemed odd to read, and actually became slightly laughable.
Now, here is time for my confession. Even with all its flaws, I still slightly enjoyed reading it, and have no idea why. I did stop reading it for a while before picking it up again, and I should also admit that I have read the other two books of the series. I have no idea why I put myself through that, but reviews of the next two books will be coming soon.
Until Then,

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